Day 2: The sun warmed the earth with the gentle touch of its rays. The birds provided the music for nature's symphony. The flowers lifted their heads beaming with praise to the creator. While outside the world busied itself for a new day, I sat in my hospital bed in tears. Perhaps exhaustion had settled in mixing itself in with hormones and reality. Whatever the real reason, the tears came in such a flood and prayer seemed impossible. I couldn't seem to fathom the reality that lie before me. I didn't know much about what I would face, but the doctors confirmed it would be very trying and would totally change our family. All I could think about was what I could have done wrong to have this happen to her. I'm not sure yet if I was pitying myself or her, but I couldn't come to terms with why she would have to suffer for something I may have done. The next four hours found these same thoughts slamming me into a brick wall of despair. I've always heard that in the various trials we must face, we tend to go through cycles of emotions that include shock, denial, anger, guilt and acceptance. Perhaps this was one of the many waves we'd experience on this new journey. I found the precious Holy Spirit giving comfort during these surges of emotions. The truth of scripture implanted in my heart gave comforting soil for my tears to fall upon. God spoke to me from Psalms 139:13-16.
"For you formed (her) inward parts; you knitted (her) together in my womb. I praise you, for (she) is fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. (Her) frame was not hidden from you, when (she) was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw (her) unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for (her) when as yet there were none of them."
Most encouraging to me was to know that when she was being formed in the darkness of the womb, God was aware of the special way he would create her to make her uniquely great for his glory. I find myself humbled that he would find me faithful to carry this great blessing for him.
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Oh Rachel,
ReplyDeleteHow beautifully you write! I know a large family (13th baby on the way) with a down's syndrom child and the joy that this 3 year old little boy brings to their family, I'm told, is indescribable. I pray that that is your experience, too. I have missed you, though I think about you frequently. Kiss Lylah for me, and I look forward to following your journey right here.
with love,
ann
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteYou have a gift with words. Lylah is a true blessing and I am anxious with you to see the path unfold before you all.
Love you so much!
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteGod has blessed you with a very special baby girl. God has very special plans for your family. I am sure that your journey will have its ups and downs but remember that the Lord is always walking right with us. Congratulations, Lylah is a beautiful baby girl.
This was a beautiful post and it brought me to tears. I know how it feels: but I think it's natural to blame yourself when you are first coming to terms with your baby's condition. But it wasn't your fault...
ReplyDeleteAnd then you go through all the stages of grief sometimes in no particular order!!! I love the Psalm you shared... that is enormously comforting.
I know God blessed us with our special babies for a very good reason!!! =) Because He knew were ready to welcome them into our homes and give them a happy life. And I have heard over and over from others, what a tremendous blessing their special needs children were to the family, particularly the ones with Down's Syndrome. The therapies that are available now are amazing and almost miraculous!!!
And last but not least, I have heard from my son's therapists, what a huge benefit it is to him, that he has 4 supportive and loving older siblings... I know it will be the same with your little girl!!!